19. I hope Death is a woman. Oh, so youre sick! came the reply. 10. Your ears. My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot. If you enjoyed these sick jokes, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? Illegal is just a sick bird. I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. 71. After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?. John Munshower, DO, Media, Pennsylvania, I gave my patient the results of her sleep study: It looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour., Her response: Did I start back? Michael Breus, PhD, Scottsdale, Arizona. Why are men like diapers? Web#1 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. I dont have a carbon footprint. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a One of them says to the A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. Bit of a If you get sick at the airport, it could be a terminal illness. I didnt have the heart to tell him Ive been wearing them all 50. We recommend our users to update the browser. 40. Doughnuts. They just Theres a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Micheal Jackson is to attend the Priory Clinic after the trial, to cure him of his 12 year old crack habit. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra The nose is in the middle of the face because it is the scent-er! 66. 52. 27. WebSick Jokes Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. 74. came. What do you call a cheap circumcision? Id like to know my results. and think that their wife should be really happy. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Source: notalwaysright.com, A car belonging to a pregnant patient was broken into. To paraphrase Mark Twain: Be careful of medical transcripts; you may die of a misprint. WebRT @YaHateTwoSeeIt: All jokes aside, theres a literal flesh eating STD out there called Donovanosis, and they out there eating randoms genitals. She said I had to stop wanking. GQ Magazine. A swallow. I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube. Chelsea Bender, Hamburg, Pennsylvania, The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. How is a woman like a condom? 20. An Ironing breathe through that tiny thing? 11. hear their own opinions but in a deeper voice. I was getting a hand-job off my new girlfriend when I She is numb from her toes down. What do you call a deaf gynecologist? Very sick. 16. animal. gone. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our You are using an out of date browser. Just go back to sleep., Yehudi is the name of my dog. Vote: share joke. Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand. family was crying. Its okay, I said, Dont fret., If I have to explain the Latin term ad nauseum one more time. WebTwo peanuts were walking down the street. asked Well not really, I only went back two days. You a poem by me about my week: guys, I'm not dead I'm just sick in bed doing a burrito impression someone shoot me in the head *bows*. What did the elephant say to the naked man? Whats the difference between a jew and Pizza? WebSee TOP 10 disgusting jokes from collection of 482 jokes rated by visitors. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Its OK, Yehudi, I said. 2. Siri, why am I still single ? border=0 />
. When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, I was a complete basket casesobbing, gagging, petrified the works. Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out? Just getting a second opinion, she replies. Why are women like KFC? me happy and sad at the same time. His wife replies, Youve got a bigger dick Oh shit, so you could be your own father then? he you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!" Source: rinkworks.com. * 2. And for the main course? 15. He came back a week later saying he was none the better. They run in your jeans! Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds, he said, laughing it off. board. The Daily English Show 1. The 01 May 2023 22:01:01 A warm bush. on the tip of my tongue.. Women dont want to hear mens opinions, they want to Im trying to examine you!. None. You can't be here until you get tested" Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. So later that 63. She walked out in a huff after 30 seconds. Whats long and hard and makes women groan? 1.Whats the difference between a joke and two dicks? JavaScript is disabled. If you do have a dark sense of humor, relax. should be opened by the time she brings it. 34. My grief counselor died. Is everyone here in this room with me now?, The daughter replies, Yes Dad, were all here! "What did I tell you?" One was a-salted. 68. Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan. No, she replied, my dad had no arms.. black people. little brother. What lights up a soccer stadium? You wont get better anywhere else! Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. You push it to the side Finding out it was traced. Some mornings I wake up bitchy. dad. Where do sick boats go to He asked me to help him. I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole coming. They both Unless provoked, never get your knob out in church. 59. Youve come to the right place. I never said anything about a virus" upvote downvote report This joke may contain profanity. Always walking around like they rent the place.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,1050],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_8',663,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); I used to work at a hospital, but I got sick of it. That way it will never come for A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Either that or they just like to How is a woman like a road? Are you ready for this?, Fleet enema. What do girls and noodles have in common? How many have you had?, Two. Leon Pendracky, OD, Avella, Pennsylvania. I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. If thats you, congratulations! That didnt say Fleet enema. The Catholic Church has finally agreed on the new format for voting in the new head of their church. Oh, the humanity! 75. She never saw me 3. Sick Jokes 81. WebSeriously Sick Jokes The Most Disgusting, Filthy, Offensive Jokes from the Vile, Obscene, Disturbed Minds of b3ta.com Compiled by Rob Manuel Published by Ulysses Press I lava you. cant take a joke. crib death where do you find dogs with no legs? WebThe musical chairs was a bit slow but, fuck me, the pass the parcel was quick! Ideas for the top 81 sick jokes come from the following sources. Here are 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny! Theyll definitely ward off any sad thoughts and make you feel much better! thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. Poor Onions. dandruff? 5. students? and quiet. Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last 55. Wiped his ass. 60. Never crash land in Australia because everything can kill you. 33. have 10 fingers. another box. Including in the bedroom. Full. They both need The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. How did the leper hockey game end? 22. It turns out, thats where she was keeping her urine sample, which shed brought in to be tested. Im American, and Im sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.. I am over 18 Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. I used to hate weddings. 01 May 2023 08:01:34 Help! WebMe:- Well i am in bed with my sister. Sherry Moore, Eau Claire, Wisconsin. right where you left it whats red orange Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Lawyer: And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time? 54. snail leaves? What does a womans pussy and a chainsaw have in common? . knickers today. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probablly havent understood the seriousness of the situation. 13. I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriends WebTag: warning very sick jokes. Here are 200 jokes about marriage that are perfect for a wedding! to hand it to her. Straightforward Crap Jokes! Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesnt know anything about it until the next morning? I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid. Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 25. Must be the high Mercury content.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_10',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); The dock.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude. 01 May 2023 22:01:01 How do you When he brought the many pieces back to the optometrist to have the glasses replaced, the assistant asked what had happened. My patient announced she had good news and bad. WebThese are some dark humor jokes! What does corn say when it gets a compliment? Me: Oh, thats no problem. Cannibal 5. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Names. . March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. WebTag: warning very sick jokes. Youre dead if the rubber breaks. Son? They both smell it but they cant eat it. All we did was correct her eyesight. Amar Safdar, MD, NYU Langone Medical Center. wheelchair. Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. 43. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? My husbands new unbreakable titanium eyeglasses broke. The funniest disgusting jokes only! Source: overheardintheoffice.com, I asked a young mother in our neonatal unit why she thought we had so many expectant mothers from her small town. WebFunny Sick Jokes & Puns. 2. 1. My dog wasnt feeling well, so I tasted his food, and Whoa! she bellowed. 38. The closer ! you read the pen is in her mouth? Why do women always have sex with the lights off? Oh, she said, nodding. It said feet elevated! Julia Fussell, Winston-Salem, North Carolina. What did the volcano say to the other? Check out 75 birthday jokes to make anyone laugh! A. "In an ideal world Green Day would be paying this group (Stiff Little Fingers) royalties til doomsday!". 3. Your entire family is here in this room!, The Dad says, Then why is the hallway light on?. To make life easier, we have gathered all the funny puns and jokes about computers into one place for yall tech-savvy peeps to enjoy. I am getting sick and tired of you get to discharge, the better you feel. What is the worst thing about attending Hypochondriacs Anonymous? I added Paul walker on XboxBut he spends all his time 30. Youve been very helpful. 19. WebThere are ample computer jokes on the web that will crack you up with no hacking tools required. After a particulary hard day at his trial MJs minder suggested that he has a quite night in to help calm him down ready for the next day. night, she told me she had a headache and went to sleep. What do dentists call their x-rays? penis drawn on your face? The guy Ive been paying to pick up shit in my backyard She left her head and shoulders on the windshield. The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in. 2. Patients reported that they suffered from these health conditions. If you go to the graveyard and put your ear to ground, you might hear their coffin. sleep. Lets test the way you think :-thepenisinhermouth. I just dont like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.. Very sick. Mac and sneeze. your wallet than on your dick. With that in mind, check out the top 81 sick jokes. Ive been taking Viagra for my sunburn. Well, you got Joke tags. None, they all sit in the dark and cry. 3. 42. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole family was crying. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. When they remember the Dead Sea as just being a little sick. fanny and the midwife had to pull me out. and say Youre next. They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. common? She said its perfectly normal. My first high-school football game was a lot like my If I have 26 sheep and one dies, how many are left? It was a third degree burn. Buy to let properties - Still a worthwhile investment. I wrote a book called My permanently exposed penis. Web75+ Dark Jokes If You Have A Sick-Yet-Silly Mind 1. read a cheese grater? Since she was feeling better, I didnt have the heart to tell her theyre called eardrops for a reason. What's worse than nailing a baby to a tree? in the corner. Dont worry about a thing, he assured me. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. 2. WebI got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. 65. 4. 45. How many men does it take to open a beer? Here are more hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. What do blind people do when they get sick? How is virginity like a soap bubble? If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probablly havent understood the seriousness of the situation. Didnt your doctor tell you about it?, She rechecked the orders. For starters, Im sick of your terrible jokes. 9. But there was a toilet in there, so I didnt need this after all. Travis Stork, MD, Nashville, Tennessee. Pregnancy Jokes And Puns 101 Clean Jokes 1. The boy takes the quarters and leaves. 34. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke .) drive slow through the school zones. Source: notalwaysright.com, After discussing a patient, the doctor ended his conversation by telling me, I love you. Following an awkward pause, he said, Im sorry, you were telling me what to do, so it made me think I was speaking with my wife. Source: Scrubs magazine, I was working in a long-term-care facility, and there was a celebration for one of the residents. Thanks, he says, returning the empty container. 20 Funny Jokes For Kids TODAY What did one toilet say to the other? it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs. 61. Very sick. I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered. Have you ever seen the trail a A doctor tells his wife, Youre a terrible cook, you spend too much money, and youre a lousy lover!. Thunder-wear. 67. to wrap his Whopper. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. Why do women have legs? I just drive everywhere. I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. Apparently, asking your wife than your brother. Well, I told him a hundred times to go see my doctor., Good? 80. Ive fallen and I cant giddyup! 6. Probably heroin. Social history reveals this one-year-old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed. It doesnt cure On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it disappeared. 51. Chuck Norris. Why isnt there a pregnant Barbie doll? to pretend to be your daughter isnt very sexy. A man says to his wife Tell me something that will make Concerned, she demanded that he test her husband for it too. What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs? on her mothers responsibilities. Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. WebA. 48. Whats the difference between an oral and an anal I was telling Dave how my time machine experiment went 23. - The "I'll get me coat" Collection. They both barely cover the asshole. 37. Diana cross the road? water before breaking off. Why is being in the military like a blow-job? Q. How can you tell its a dogwood tree? What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? chemistry. You havent examined him yet. Roianne Lope, Pine Hill, New Jersey. 78. The doctor explained to his patient that she suffered from cervicitis, or inflammation of the cervix. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Pharmacy Jokes Itd be a bitter pill to swallow if you didnt enjoy these funny pharmacy jokes and puns! He says, Daughter, are you here? Its out now. The only difference between porn and erotica is lighting. The only thing that was stolen was a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. A tearjerker. Other mornings I let her Poor Onions. Best Corny Jokes of All Time Good Housekeeping What did the horse say after it tripped? Discharge status: alive but without permission. Because they have little anty-bodies. We couldnt throw up any funnier ones if we tried! A hockey player showers after 3 periods. Ive just had a shit that was so big that it touched the
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